Thoughts of the Bath

     Like most people I take great solace in and understand the work of a quality bubblebath. Because my little love is still cooking I can't sink into scorching hot water but I can and do still indulge in the occassional (more than occasional) date with Mr. Bubble, flickering candles, and Spotify. Aside from clearing my mind, I surround myself with water in the hopes that one day Liam will too understand its power and serenity. Sometimes we dance together, feeling the rhythm of the music as we weightlessly sway side-to-side, my hands on my belly as if I was holding his hands teaching him his first steps. Other times I just talk to him and watch as he nestles himself deep within my womb feeling a similar type of relaxation as I nestle myself deeper and deeper into the cloud of bubbles around me. 

     On today's edition of Thoughts of the Bath, I find myself trying to shake a number of fears, worries and anxieties. As many of you know I live on the tiny little island of Okinawa, Japan and while it's a wonderful experience, one that I don't take for granted, island fever and an overall sense of disconnectedness is an inevitable side effect with very little opportunity for cure or relief. Granted, my recent case of the fever can easily be attributed to third trimester hormones, but nonetheless it is real and kicking my little brown butt. Now, before I get into the details, please no one read any further into this than necessary. Likewise, please do not take any of it personally as I understand that despite our age of social networking and our vastly advanced personal communication devices we all have lives and limitations -- nothing I can rightfully fault any of us for. 

     Since finding out I was expecting I looked forward to (but slightly dreaded) all of the family excitement. The check-in calls and texts, the unneccessary amounts of advice and of course the gifts (I know, kinda shallow) for our newest addition. But after our grand announcement at I believe 10 weeks I quickly realized that none of what I was looking forward to was coming and as the weeks and months went on I let go of any hope that it would magically come. About a week ago I told my mom that I felt like the family had forgotten about us, and that I totally understood because we do live way the hell out here and its not like we can just hope in the car and visit for the weekend. After that admission I figured I'd just get over it but I didn't and coupled with the fact that my husband is away on yet another TDY, I can't get the notion out of my head. This morning I actually started to worry because Liam's going to be born out here and I fear that just like the announcement of his conception, the news of his birth will rise and then fall into obsecurity. I know in reality that he (and us) are very much loved by our families but in this, case absence does not make the heart grow fonder, rather it makes one wonder if their absence is even noticed. 

     And my poor husband, I think he's been here for so long that he's developed an acute immunity to the fever. Plus, I'll admit I'm a special case when my emotions and thoughts get the best of me, so I sympathize with the fact that he doesn't always know how to respond to or comfort me -- especially with so many other things on his mind. It's tough being the head of a household,but I'm sure its even harder when I'm in the Lieutenant seat. 

     I'm not quite sure what I'm expecting from this...I honestly don't think I'm expecting anything at all. I just really needed to get some things off of my chest and onto paper (well, you know what I mean). 

Til next time loves.

<3 Tiffe